Top Secret

When I was younger I had a math test that I did not do well on. I was so ashamed of it I could not stomach to tell my mother. I felt terrible, my mother was a school teacher and I thought because she is a teacher there was no reason that I should do wrong in my studies. I felt she would have thought "I was a failure."

I put so much pressure on myself that I could not face my mother. Several times, I went to her thinking I could tell her but the words would not come out. This wasn’t a test that had to be signed and returned to school so it was left up to me; if I was going to tell her.

The first few days I was okay. I put my feelings and test away. The test was in my cubby but I kept seeing it. I took the test and put it in my folder out of my sight and for over a week, all I could think about was how she would think of me. Then I start feeling like I was wrong because I should not have kept it from her. It was then that I could not take it any more; after all she is my mother.

I am reminded of the Lord saying “my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). As I search the scripture it says “we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

When we file things away we leave the door open for the enemy to dangle it in our face. We give the enemy access to show up in our hour of weakness and have victory over us.

But when we face our issue, when we stand up and say” I remember when I did what I should not have done, when I was where I had no business being. When I took what I should not have taken. When I was creeping and I should have been sleeping.”

When we confess boldly before others that we made a mistake and the Lord brought me through. When we confess before the others that I was weak but the Lord saw fit to make me strong again. When we tell people I was a victim too. It is then that we have victory over that issue leaving the enemy no access to show up because he is defeated. The devil is defeated when we overcome our embarrassment of testifying our faults; for the Lord is then glorified.

Maybe you thought I prayed about the issue and it is okay. Possibly you and the other person are not in disagreement any more and you think it is fine. But have you considered you're giving victory over by saying “I will speak of it no more.” It is through our testimonies that we uplift the name of Jesus.

Consider being an open testifier not a confidential testifier. An open testifier tells of their heart aches and pains while glorifying His name; a confidential testifier only tells some of the information leaving things humid. Is there a test you might not have passed and felt like you were an embarrassment? Has someone hurt you in such a way that you can not speak of it?

Allow God to help you face that one thing that hurts in the midnight hour. Ask God to open what you have secretly stored away. Pray to God to give you ability to be humiliated for His name. Call upon the Lord to use you so your testimony may be a blessing. “We also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received our reconciliation” (Rom. 5:11). “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1Peter 5:7).